Making change . . .

I need to make some changes.  Well, probably quite a few changes.   I am trying to get past the  “I'm really mad at myself for being so incapable of taking care of me.”  And the,  “This really sucks and I feel like crap.”  It's not a pity party.  Having struggled with my weight for so many years has caught up with me.  My Doctor called it “metabolic syndrome.”   Ha ha ha.  That's kind of funny.  A way of sugar-coating the fact that I am overweight and have not been physically active enough to have normal blood pressure, normal blood sugar levels, or normal cholesterol levels.  All are just high enough to be out of the acceptable range, but low enough that he won't prescribe medication (I'm good with the no meds).  It's up to me.  Well, just – freaking – great!

A month or so ago there was a blogger who started a “write a love letter to your body” project.  At the time I was colossally busy and by the time I sat down to do it and submit it, it was outside the time line for contributing.  I do think I need to write my body an apology though.  Something along the lines of, I really messed you up good, eh.  So sorry I didn't take better care of you.  I let you go and let myself think that because I was so busy looking after everyone else you didn't matter.  Well, that's about to change and I'm just cranky enough about it to make sure it does.

Today is day four of no refined sugar.  Black coffee.  No BBQ sauce on my salmon.  No mayo on my sandwich.  Fruit and veggies rock!  And smoothies are the best!  Tomorrow, I start walking to school again with the kids, so this slug-slump, it's over.

I'm trying really hard to not be cranky.  I'm going to blame it on the sugar withdrawal.  And the absence of chocolate.  My husband informed me I wasn't being very nice.   I would have to agree.  Making life altering changes are not always fun and enjoyable and jump up and down with glee.   I'm struggling with my internal voice of condemnation and it makes me frustrated, that, at this point in my life, I cannot just ignore the negative thoughts.  That niggling in the back of my mind that wants to undermine me and what I need to do.  I will prevail though.   I don't really have a choice.  Well, I do, but the alternative would be diabetes, heart attack, blindness, kidney failure (doesn't that just sound like a right good time).  I want to be around for my kids and I would love to be around for grand-kids, should I be so lucky.  

So, yeah, changes.  Happening.  One simple decision at a time.  One black cup of coffee at a time.  One foot in front of the other.  Grateful for the wake up call.