Kitty Heaven?

My garden has gone through a few changes.  It has me drawing parallels between how I take care of my kids.  Are they a reflection of each other?  Am I doing enough to grow my kids into emotionally, spiritually, and physically fit people?

We had a blip (trauma) in our week that had my kids asking some really hard questions that I wasn't sure I wanted to answer.  Make that, maybe I didn't want to answer because I don't have all the answers and I was afraid.  There is that word – afraid, fear, scared.  So many thing I don't do because I am afraid. Of what?   Is that a scratch the surface for the answer or a have to dig really deep?  And sometimes I like to take the easy way.  It means I can skirt around the yucky stuff – at least for a little while, because eventually it catches up to me.

So growing a garden and growing kids.  They need a lot of tending.  Soil needs prepping, weeds need to be pulled, you have add fertilizer, make sure you plant in appropriate places, prune.  The list goes on.  With kids, they need lots of tending too.  You work to prepare their hearts to receptive of the lessons you want them to learn.  You do your utmost to curb them of inappropriate behaviours.  By your own example you help them to grow.  Moments show themselves as opportunities to guide and teach.  And by steady direction – verbally or non-verbally – you get them growing in the right direction.

This past week, one of the little kitties we were taking care of died.  My kids' hearts were broken.  The devastation they experienced was like nothing they've ever gone through.  Jim walked through the door at the end of his day and was met with incoherent and inconsolable children.  They were crying so hard they could hardly talk and he had no idea what going on.  Through my own tears I explained to him what had happened and could he please help by digging the hole.

Upon first discovering that little Chrysanthemum had died I had to try and find the right words.  This is not an easy task.   I couldn't try and make it all fluffy and nice.  I feel that if I had tried to do that I would be doing my kids a real disservice.  All my growing up years I have been taught that animals do not have souls, and therefore, do not go to heaven.  So how do I find a middle that is acceptable for myself and tender for them to help them cope.  And then thinking, this would be great time to get into my bible to learn for myself.

Ryan's first question was, “mommy, can we have a funeral?”  My response was “of course.”  I set about finding a small box and some soft cloth.  Then it was each of the kids wanting to touch and stroke and kiss the kitty goodbye.  Can we get any more heartbreaking?  I asked each of them in turn, “are you ready for mommy to put the lid on?”  Got the okay and then I couldn't get the box in the hole.  Jim didn't dig it deep enough.  Cue internal hysterical laughter.  So there I am trying to get this done and the kids are sobbing and I can smell barbeque so I know the neighbours are out.  It was going from bad to worse.   I'm sure the neighbours were thinking “what in the world is going on over there?”  I finally got the hole big enough and then they each wanted one more chance to kiss and touch and say goodbye.  Lid off one more time and questions one more time and relief – it fits in the hole.  Flowers laid, picked from my garden, and let's go inside and have hot chocolate.

Ava's memory of our evening, “I'm sad.  Our kitty died and we had a funeral and then mommy made hot chocolate with marshmallows.”  Ryan just wants another kitty.  Ella's not saying too much.  She keeps things pretty close.

Back to hard questions though.  Ry just kept peppering me.  “What will happen to the kitty?”  “Is it going to rot?”   "What if the worms eat it?”  I was trying to explain ashes to ashes and dust to dust and decomposition.  I used a banana as an analogy. Starts out green, gets a bit yellow, then brown, and then mush.  It was the best I could come up with.   In the end, I just said to him that God takes care of all of us.  If He's doing that, then He's also taking care of all the animals, little kitty included.  Then he threw the, “will great grandma and uncle Levi help take care of the kitty?”  And I said, “Well, I suppose if they had the opportunity they would take very good care of the kitty, but God is looking after it.”  And I got an “okay, mommy.”

I should say I am grateful that this happened and that my kids can learn that animals die and it's really sad, but we are all going to be okay and it's not going to hurt forever.  In my head they seem like the right words, but in my heart, I'm not ready for them yet.  I am grateful that my kids are pretty resilient.  It seems they have taken things in stride and are moving on, that's good thing.  I'm also grateful that we still have Clementine to focus our attentions on.