Bridal Showers, Weddings, and Marriage . . .

It's always so great to see new relationships develop.  Today the congregation did something they do for many young couples who've made a decision to get married.  They threw a potluck lunch in honour of the young couple.

A big group of people pulling together and saying, “hey, we are going to support you and help out by giving you a head start with a few household necessities.”  I remember back to the bridal showers that were thrown for myself and Jim and all the wonderful feelings that came as a result.  It's like this massive hug of encouragement and support.  Everyone around us, surrounding us, lifting us up, and sending us off with a whole lot of love.  How great is that?

As a young woman planning my wedding, I was ready to be married.  Or so I thought.  The first few months were all happy, happy, joy, joy, bliss.  Then I got pregnant.  And then the hormones went wack-a-doodle.  I'm pretty sure that by our first anniversary my poor husband was questioning what he'd gotten himself into.  A credit to him, he never said too much about it.  Which is probably a good thing.  If he had, there's no telling what may have become of us.

By anniversary number five, we have a four year old, a two year old, and a new baby.  Over year six, we find a groove.  We flow around each other in a dance of sorts.  Like we needed those years to learn each other and everything works like a well oiled machine.  Perhaps not the nicest or most romantic analogy.  We can both be in the kitchen working in tune with each other, like two parts of a song, each others harmony.  We blend and can read each other.  He'll go that way with the cutting board, I open this drawer.  Bumping into each on occasion, but usually it's deliberate.

Now we are almost to year eight.  I am growing and learning.  Putting expectations aside.  Learning to how be, just be, with each other.  Appreciating, accepting, no expectations, none needed.  We just do, for each other, for our kids.  Working, and yes it's really hard work some days, with each other to solve issues.

I'm not professing that all of sudden, because I've been married all of almost eight years, I've got all the answers.  Heck, I look back at the girl I was (thinking I had all the answers) and I wish I could tell her, “hey, save yourself some heartache.  Drop the expectations.  ALL OF THEM.  No one can live up to what you've created in your mind.  Know that you'll get there.  You'll find that place where you can just be.”  It's a hard thing to do, but around year two, when an older, most respected woman friend and I were having a conversation, her words were, “no expectations.”  That was when the positive shift started to happen.  As Oprah would say, it was my “aha moment.”  I do need to remind myself every once in a while, but for the most part, it's working.  Really well.

I am so grateful for the friends and family that have surrounded and supported us and continue to do so.  We need positive examples of relationships that are working.  And we need to see new relationships, bridal showers and weddings, to remind us of why we got married to each other in the first place.