Birthday Lessons and Blessings

The days run one into the next.  The calendar on our fridge has things posted on it for this, that, and the next thing.  School, work, activities, events, and my birthday.  One after another they go flying by and I have to stop, pause, take a breath.  Remember why I am here and what I am doing.

Growing up, birthdays in our house were a big deal.  My mom or my grandma would make a birthday cake in whatever shape we wanted.  A princess, a flower, a car, blue jeans.  And depending on how busy my mom was at the time would determine whether she or grandma would be the one making it.  There were gifts as well.  From everyone who was invited!  This included everyone from Sunday school and classmates - about a dozen or more kids. 

When I was dating Jim he made a bit of a deal about my birthday.  Mostly, though, it was flowers whenever and just because.  Then we got married.  And I got resentful and more than a little cheesed off.  I felt neglected and totally unappreciated when my birthdays would come around.  It was as though the very fact that we were married meant he no longer needed to ply my affections with gifts.  Learning curve and life lessons to come.

I expected him to make the same kind of big deal about my birthdays as my family did.  Putting this expectation on a man who grew up not having any kind of recognition about his birthdays was not my best move ever.  He was lucky to get an extra bowl of rice on his birthday.  Let alone any kind of a gift.  What was I thinking?  He grew up so differently than I did as far as gifts and things of monetary value.  He would say to me, when I got really twisted, that we needed to be making sure we were looking after the kids, that money for gifts for me was not a priority for him, and it shouldn't be for me.  At one point he even went so far as to suggest I was materialistic (I realized later he wasn't too far off).  That elicited a reaction I would rather not revisit.  Ugly, would sum it up fairly concisely.  I was way to focused on what I could get.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate gifts.  I really like getting something from someone that means something, but I don't expect it anymore.  And when something does come my way, it's such a nice surprise.

I had to go from a place/mindset, that because it was my birthday, I deserved to get something.   Jim is teaching me that I have everything I need.  Deeper - I have a greater appreciation for the gifts God has given me and that which I have been blessed with in my life.  A wonderful, loving husband who treats me very well and loves me and our kids so much.  He's an amazing, involved, dad and he actually likes spending time with our kids and they know it.   I am blessed with three healthy children who are growing so fast and learning so much.  The best gifts - sticky kisses and hugs from my kids and a “mommy, I love you so much!” and arms that wrap snugly around me at night followed by a whispered “I love you” and a goodnight kiss.  I have everything I need.  Happy birthday to me, everyday!