Merry Christmas?

I did not grow up participating in any sort of events or practices of the Christmas season.  We did not celebrate Christmas in any traditional or non-traditional ways.  People all over the world celebrate or don't celebrate for many different reasons.  In a fairly conservative Christian family, we didn't, because we were taught, it is more important to remember that Jesus died for us and by being baptized and participating in communion on Sundays we remember His sacrifice for us.

I have a hard time associating Christmas and all it entails with Christ's birth.  I also can't bring myself to associate it with a secular belief of Santa Claus.  Put this together with a non practising Buddhist background (my husband, most of his family practices Buddhism) and well, I think we are still trying to work out what Christmas is in our family.  I do, however, realize that, at this time of year when millions of people around the world, regardless of religion or denomination, are recognizing Christ, I should not take for granted that He indeed was born of God for us, in order that He could save us.  So, yes, I do need to take this and every other opportunity teach my kids of His great importance.

I would like to think that for us, it is about our family.  Celebrating everything we are blessed with.  It's also about, very importantly, giving.  To those less fortunate and in need.  Giving our time and ourselves to help others, when and where we can.  Sharing what we have.

I struggle yearly with how I am going to 'make it happen' for our family.  Since Jim and I have been married we have spent our Christmas days in and out of the car.  His mom lived about forty minutes away and we would drive to visit her and then his brothers and sisters.  Always on the 25^th because that was the only day off he got.  This year is going to be tougher.  We are both grieving.  His mom more recently and my grandma last December 25.  I have been feeling rather melancholy and there have been a few really crummy days in the last couple of weeks.

Our first year together he went out and bought a seven foot tree and I went, “what in the heck am I supposed to do with this and where will we put it?”  And every year since, he pulls it out and I have to move all of the living room furniture.  I am tempted to just get a painting of a tree that I could hang on the wall for a couple of weeks and then take it down when all is said and done.

A family member on Jim's side started a tradition of buying ornaments for our kids.  I liked it so much, I now do the same.  Each one of our kids gets an ornament and someday, when they start their own traditions, they can take the ornaments with them.

I know that it's important to create positive memories for our kids.  This, for me, is the primary reason I have taken a less hard-nosed stance on the 'no Christmas.'   It sometimes feels like I am giving in to peer pressure.  Argh!  I know what I want to impart to my kids and my hope for what I want them to take away from this time of year.  I also want them to feel like they fit in at school and when they go back in January to be able to participate in all of the fun conversations about how their holidays went and, of course, what they got.

I have, in past years, gone way overboard.  Yes, I admit, I fell into the consumer trap that is “Christmas Shopping.”  It was ugly.  When I stepped back and looked at the excess I was ashamed.   There was absolutely no need for most of the “things” my kids got.  This year though, I haven't done any shopping and that has me feeling like the worst mom ever.   I have not purchased any toys.  The kids keep asking for this and that, every time a commercial comes on with the newest and greatest thing.  We did, however, with Save-on-Foods points, get a Wii System.  So even though I can say I have spent a minimal amount of money on ourselves, this will be a big deal for the kids.  At least that is my hope.

I will make a big meal.  Bake shortbread from my grandma's recipe.  Have family over and go and visit other family and friends.  Mostly though, Jim and I will be working.  We have both taken extra shifts this year.  Maybe because neither one of us want to sit down and think about how our lives have changed so dramatically in the last year.  It's easier to go to work than to think about the heartbreak.  We will get through the holidays, but not without a few tears, I'm sure.  And the kids will enjoy themselves, at least they darn well better.  And then we get to look forward to next year.  Yay . . .

If you wish me a “Merry Christmas” and I don't respond wholeheartedly, know that it's not you.  It's just me, trying to work it out as I go along.

I am grateful for all of God's promises over my life and His comforting presence in my family.