Merry Christmas?

I did not grow up participating in any sort of events or practices of the Christmas season.  We did not celebrate Christmas in any traditional or non-traditional ways.  People all over the world celebrate or don't celebrate for many different reasons.  In a fairly conservative Christian family, we didn't, because we were taught, it is more important to remember that Jesus died for us and by being baptized and participating in communion on Sundays we remember His sacrifice for us.

I have a hard time associating Christmas and all it entails with Christ's birth.  I also can't bring myself to associate it with a secular belief of Santa Claus.  Put this together with a non practising Buddhist background (my husband, most of his family practices Buddhism) and well, I think we are still trying to work out what Christmas is in our family.  I do, however, realize that, at this time of year when millions of people around the world, regardless of religion or denomination, are recognizing Christ, I should not take for granted that He indeed was born of God for us, in order that He could save us.  So, yes, I do need to take this and every other opportunity teach my kids of His great importance.

I would like to think that for us, it is about our family.  Celebrating everything we are blessed with.  It's also about, very importantly, giving.  To those less fortunate and in need.  Giving our time and ourselves to help others, when and where we can.  Sharing what we have.

I struggle yearly with how I am going to 'make it happen' for our family.  Since Jim and I have been married we have spent our Christmas days in and out of the car.  His mom lived about forty minutes away and we would drive to visit her and then his brothers and sisters.  Always on the 25^th because that was the only day off he got.  This year is going to be tougher.  We are both grieving.  His mom more recently and my grandma last December 25.  I have been feeling rather melancholy and there have been a few really crummy days in the last couple of weeks.

Our first year together he went out and bought a seven foot tree and I went, “what in the heck am I supposed to do with this and where will we put it?”  And every year since, he pulls it out and I have to move all of the living room furniture.  I am tempted to just get a painting of a tree that I could hang on the wall for a couple of weeks and then take it down when all is said and done.

A family member on Jim's side started a tradition of buying ornaments for our kids.  I liked it so much, I now do the same.  Each one of our kids gets an ornament and someday, when they start their own traditions, they can take the ornaments with them.

I know that it's important to create positive memories for our kids.  This, for me, is the primary reason I have taken a less hard-nosed stance on the 'no Christmas.'   It sometimes feels like I am giving in to peer pressure.  Argh!  I know what I want to impart to my kids and my hope for what I want them to take away from this time of year.  I also want them to feel like they fit in at school and when they go back in January to be able to participate in all of the fun conversations about how their holidays went and, of course, what they got.

I have, in past years, gone way overboard.  Yes, I admit, I fell into the consumer trap that is “Christmas Shopping.”  It was ugly.  When I stepped back and looked at the excess I was ashamed.   There was absolutely no need for most of the “things” my kids got.  This year though, I haven't done any shopping and that has me feeling like the worst mom ever.   I have not purchased any toys.  The kids keep asking for this and that, every time a commercial comes on with the newest and greatest thing.  We did, however, with Save-on-Foods points, get a Wii System.  So even though I can say I have spent a minimal amount of money on ourselves, this will be a big deal for the kids.  At least that is my hope.

I will make a big meal.  Bake shortbread from my grandma's recipe.  Have family over and go and visit other family and friends.  Mostly though, Jim and I will be working.  We have both taken extra shifts this year.  Maybe because neither one of us want to sit down and think about how our lives have changed so dramatically in the last year.  It's easier to go to work than to think about the heartbreak.  We will get through the holidays, but not without a few tears, I'm sure.  And the kids will enjoy themselves, at least they darn well better.  And then we get to look forward to next year.  Yay . . .

If you wish me a “Merry Christmas” and I don't respond wholeheartedly, know that it's not you.  It's just me, trying to work it out as I go along.

I am grateful for all of God's promises over my life and His comforting presence in my family.

Did I shave my legs for this?

There is a song that makes me laugh and sing really loud when I hear it.  It's by country artist Deana Carter and the title is “Did I Shave My Legs for This?”  Some days, I start to kind of feel like the woman in the song.  Today isn't one of them, but in the very recent past there were a few thrown in there for good measure I suppose.  Maybe I need to feel that way so that I can take a step back and realize how very blessed I am and to not take for granted all that is part of my life.

The days where the laundry pile seems taller than my five foot seven self.  When the kitchen and bathroom and foyer all need to be cleaned.  When I smash my shin on the corner of the coffee table and my youngest daughter spits a straw full of milk in my face (really happened).  As I stood there blinking through milk splattered eyelashes trying to deal with my son who had squeezed the toothpaste too hard and then sneezed all over the tube for a lovely combination of blue and green smear – the thought went through my mind.  Did I really shave my legs for this?

Never in my wildest dream could I have imagined some of the things I have done.  Catching vomit and or poop, sometimes both at the same time.  Trying to console crying children, who have no idea what's going on, as I puked my guts out over the toilet.  Calling poison control because someone decided to try and eat raw pork that was marinating on the counter, or diaper cream, or plum pits?  And the nose wiping – so special.  I also never thought I would ever sound like my mom.  You know – the “what were you thinking?” “because I said so.” and “don't make me come over there!”   I also never thought that certain sentences would ever be uttered - “please don't put poppy pieces up your nose.” “no, marbles do not belong in your ears.” “why is there toothpaste in the tub?” and “how did you manage to get gravy back there?”

It's really great (insert a bit of sarcasm here) when I have to redo a load of laundry because I either forgot to add the detergent or I didn't change it over to the dryer and it soured, or I changed it over and forgot to start the dryer.  Or I step in something of a sticky quality and have absolutely no idea what it is and can't identify it.  Oh, and putting my hand into the crisper to pull out fruit or veggies and realizing that maybe they've been in there just a little too long.

Back to the leg shaving though.  As a woman, it's something I (we) do as personal maintenance.  For me, it's one of several simple pleasures.  Getting a new haircut.  Putting on makeup.  Painting my nails.  I don't do it out of vanity, at least, I don't think I do.  It feels good.   In my crazy days that make up my life, feeling good is a good thing.  It means though, that I have to actually take time to do it.  Time that could be spent cleaning my house, or colouring with my kids, or just sitting and talking about my day with the husband.  That aside, once I've taken that time for me and am feeling downright great, reality smacks me in the face in the form of milk out of a straw and it starts to feel like “what was the point?”  Why did I even bother?  Nail painting usually ends up with one or more smashed fingers just before I head out the door.  Makeup ends up a colossal mess by the end of the day and it ain't a pretty sight.  For a few moments though, it felt really good.

The way I am seeing it now though, looking great and feeling great don't necessarily need to go together.  I can feel great laughing hysterically with my kids and have milk running down my face.  Or getting a sticky, slimy kiss and an “I love you.”  There are days where I feel like garbage, either because I'm sick or just out of sorts, and I spend more time trying to present a put together appearance.  So I might look good on the outside, but inside, not so much.

If I were to ask myself, “did I shave my legs for this?”  I would have to say, with complete certainty, YES!  Yes, I did.  All of it.  The expected and the unexpected.  The sticky, icky bits, and the lovey huggy bits.  All of it.  And I wouldn't change it for anything.

And so, here it is, I am grateful for those few minutes alone, uninterrupted, when I can shave my legs.   I am really grateful for my family and all the craziness that we are and for all that we are blessed with.  Razor blades included.