Fighting Melancholy

I am soooo looking forward to this school year being over.  Don't get me wrong, education is a very good thing.  But I'm ready for this round to be finished.  It seems to have gone by incredibly fast, except for these last few weeks.  They are dragging, and I mean, drrraaaggggiiiinnnnnggggg by.  Homework every night, packing lunches, reading and spelling.   I just feel done.

Part of the done feeling might be the weather.  Part of it might be the melancholy.  Fighting it hard right now.   I see sunny beach pictures and I want to be there, right now. RIGHT NOW!  I've done a bit in my garden, but the rain is so not helping things out.  Everything is prepped, I just don't see the point of putting things in that are going to rot.  Colossal waste of money.

Every morning as I attempt to wake Ella, it's “I don't want to get up.  I don't wanna go to school.  Do I have to go?”  Umm, well, so sorry to disturb your beauty sleep, but, it's time to get up.  NOW! Jim's days off have been really scattered, so planning anything has been pretty much non-existent.

I'm complaining. I don't want to.  It's just kind of turned into that.  Really, in the whole scheme of things, I have nothing to be complaining about.  Sometimes though, the melancholy happens.  And then the battle ensues.  Trying to tamp down those negative thoughts and feelings.  That ugly ticker tape that runs circles around my brain space and has me doubting my worth, my value, my being.  Ugh!  It frustrates me that things that have been said to me over time can still literally and figuratively bring me to my knees.  They are so unimportant in my life.  They should not matter.  And yet, somehow, I let them in, give them a foothold, and get myself pulled into an ugliness that should long be forgotten.

These last few days have been ones in which I have struggled.  Trying hard to see all the positive.  It shouldn't be so difficult.  I have a great husband, amazing kids, wonderful family members and the best friends a girl could ask for.  My prayers are just pleas right now.  A plea for peace of mind.  A plea for the dark thoughts to be taken away.  A plea for the sun to please shine.

I am grateful that there are only eight more days left in the school year.  I am grateful that I have the means to make lunches for my daughter to take to school.  I am grateful that I woke up this morning and got to spend some quality time with my kids and my parents in the same room.  I am grateful my husband's bike rides to and from work were safe and he is here watching the news right now.  I am grateful for the peonies my husband and kids picked – they are sitting so beautifully in a vase right now.  All good things are from above.